‘I’m just a son looking after his dad’ – One of Leicester’s 32,000 unpaid carers shares his heart-wrenching story


“I nonetheless don’t consider myself as a carer, in my thoughts I’m a son serving to out his dad.”

Dave Towers is certainly one of greater than 32,000, who on the final estimate, are working as unpaid carers in Leicester.

Between the sons, daughters, mums, dads, husbands, wives and buddies taking care of family members – they’re offering within the area of 39 million hours of care a yr.

The price, if paid for on the charge of the actual dwelling wage (£9.30 ph) is available in at £366m per yr.

“I’ve labored out that if ‘free’ dwelling carers have been pai for it will value 3 times town council’s grownup care price range twice the mixed grownup and kids’s price range, and greater than the whole income price range of Leicester Metropolis Council,” Dave mentioned.

The monetary value is one factor, the emotional value is one other.

Dave, who misplaced his mum in February 2020, instructed LeicestershireLive certainly one of his greatest regrets was spending time he might and will have been together with her, on the telephone about her care.

“The very unhappy factor is that on the finish of my mum’s life I spent extra time on maintain making an attempt to rearrange and coordinate her care, than I did together with her.

“It begins with you considering this will likely be a loopy few weeks, we’ll chip in, as soon as she’s higher every thing will settle, however when she didn’t get higher and my dad was additionally sick, is when it began for me and my sister.”

LeicestershireLive documented Heather Towers’ closing months in an effort to display the problems confronted by her household on the time.

Points that Dave mentioned proceed with the care of his dad, Alan.

“It doesn’t at all times occur in a single day, it begins as serving to with a little bit of procuring, perhaps dropping off a dinner or cooking one thing nevertheless it regularly builds up after which there’s a shift, the dynamic adjustments.

“Mum or dad have been effectively, dad was driving, mum was nonetheless cooking and cleansing, they have been fiercely impartial after which all of it modified.”

Alan had emergency surgical procedure and frolicked in hospital, when he was discharged Heather cared for him, however then she herself grew to become sick.

“That they had each been in hospital however the standard sample wasn’t adopted. The belief is and it had at all times been the case earlier than, go to hospital since you’re sick, however you get higher.

“Within the meantime, everybody helps out after which issues settle however mum or dad didn’t ever get again to the place that they had been earlier than.

“We then had a yr when he and my mum have been out and in of hospital, it didn’t cease.”



Alan Towers visiting Heather earlier than her dying in February 2020.

Serving to out grew to become the norm and extra duties have been picked up by Dave and his sister.

“I didn’t consider myself as a carer, I considered myself as a son, however truly I used to be each as a result of it didn’t cease.

“After dad was first sick, he or my mum by no means acquired correctly higher, they improved from how sick they have been, however by no means absolutely recovered.

“And that’s when it occurs, it will get to some extent the place it doesn’t cease, it carries on and the months creep by and also you realise your property life and work is impacted, I’m self-employed so I lower down my hours, that’s when the shift occurs I feel.”

Considered one of Dave’s major frustrations, and of others that he has spoken to, is the time spent arranging care, quite than truly offering it.

“I’m instructed there was care coordinators and they might do what their job title says, they might be the individuals who sorted appointments, treatment totally different departments and labored with hospitals, pharmacies, grownup social care on the council however there have been large cuts to the NHS and to different providers and that now falls on households.

“And one factor you shortly realise is that you simply spend hours, monumental quantities of time, on the telephone. On maintain, making an attempt to get by to somebody and if you do it’s not them you want it’s another person and that’s the bit that’s actually powerful as a result of it’s so time consuming, it’s a minefield, so tough to navigate and then you definately would possibly miss a name after which you possibly can’t get again in contact with the particular person you wish to discuss to or, and this has occurred to me, dad, who has dementia, will get a name and somebody will give him appointment particulars.

“He can’t bear in mind who has referred to as or the day and time he must be someplace.

“His quantity, we have been instructed, has been faraway from the techniques however he nonetheless will get these calls in order that’s one other few hours chasing, making an attempt to trace who has referred to as, what it’s for.

“That has develop into a large a part of my life, being on the telephone, and the unhappy factor is that when it turns into 30 minutes, 45 minutes a number of instances a day or week, it impacts on work however the saddest half is that it means much less time to spend with the particular person.

“It positively did with my mum and I can’t get that point again.”

  • four in 5 unpaid carers (81%) are at present offering extra care than earlier than lockdown.
  • Greater than three quarters (78%) of carers reported that the wants of the particular person they look after have elevated just lately.
  • Most carers (64%) haven’t been in a position to take any breaks in any respect within the final six months.
  • Greater than half (58%) of carers have seen their bodily well being impacted by caring by the pandemic, whereas 64% mentioned their psychological well being has worsened.

Impressed by his personal struggles, Dave has now helped arrange a assist group for different working carers with The Carers Centre.

One of many major points he says, is getting individuals to understand they’re unpaid carers after which accessing the assist that’s on the market.

“Though I’m a carer, I nonetheless don’t consider myself as a carer, in my thoughts I’m a son serving to out his dad. There’s a vital function for well being professionals in figuring out carers, it was my MP who instructed me I used to be!

“The factor is it is fairly apparent to everybody besides the particular person themselves. If docs or or paramedics or whoever made it a precedence to say “I feel you are a carer” then it will change the place individuals seemed for assist. You do not want to consider your self as a carer however you do want to incorporate it in your search time period to get anyplace like discovering the Carers Centre or care providers.

“As a result of it’s in your mum or your dad or accomplice, somebody you’re keen on and care about, you’re unsure whether or not it’s what you have to be doing or whether or not it’s greater than that.

“When it reaches a stage the place you marvel who would possibly do what you’re doing if you happen to can’t get there someday, your chopping your hours down at work, or are planning a vacation and considering I can’t go due to the particular person you might be caring for, and even earlier than that stage generally, then you definately would possibly want additional assist.”

Name the Carers Centre helpline on 0116 251 0999 for recommendation, assist and details about teams.





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