My Social Distancing Diary  – The Santa Barbara Independent

Day One

Inventoried all Lysol wipes on premises, trimmed nails quick for max tidiness, and gathered as household to create day by day germ-blasting family wipe-down routine.

Devoured up kale salad, popped an Airborne gummy, and added house exercises to my calendar 4 occasions/week. Well being is a precedence!

Pulled out previous recipe books, dusted off a 1,000-piece puzzle, and upgraded video streaming providers now that we lastly have time to discover all these award-winning collection.

Introduced in logs for cozy fires, ordered cute desk lamp for work-at-home station, and dug out tub of pore-purifying facial mud masks from the toilet cabinet. Deliver on the staycation!

Day Three

Shocked to seek out markets offered out of one essential ingredient from each recipe I deliberate to make. However regardless of; now we have loads of staples ​— ​and are stocked up on can-do attitudes!

Our canine Cosmo is basically appreciating the additional time with us. What a love.

Organized my pajama drawer. Set a aim of sporting every pair throughout this safer-at-home keep; self-discipline is what’s going to get us by this difficult time.

Invited previous faculty buddies to digital jam session with my husband, whose solo guitar pluckings had been downright dour. However the web lag prevented anybody from syncing to a singular rhythm … so all of us simply toasted to our laptop computer cameras, drained our cocktails, and fretted about our IRAs.

Exercise: On-line bootcamp in the lounge. Give up midway by when my youngsters started preventing. I yelled at them for yelling at one another. Should maintain my stress in examine.

Sanity is a precedence!

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Day Eight

Looks like Christmas break, and never within the great way: I’m sick of the sound of video video games, I’ve stopped sporting a bra, and I’m terrified to go to the mall. 

Cosmo is getting spoiled. Expects biscuits, rubs, and walks all day lengthy. Was he all the time this pushy?

The scaly, over-scrubbed Gila monsters on the ends of my arms would gladly commerce somebody six rolls of bathroom paper for a tube of hand lotion.

Exercise: Yoga within the yard. Give up after 16 minutes when the again half of my reverse-low-lunge landed on an not easily seen Cosmo turd. Actually? He seemed like he deliberate it.

Found a captivating little nook of my house I by no means even observed earlier than. Hid there alone for almost two hours with bottle of Airborne gummies and really giant glass of wine, enjoying and replaying worst-case eventualities in my thoughts.

Yelled at husband for yelling at kids. I imply, considered one of us has to maintain it collectively!

I can’t even stress-eat for concern of operating out of meals.

Not Certain What Day It Is Anymore

An habit specialist wrote to ask if I’d prefer to interview her about why we shouldn’t use alcohol as a coping technique in entrance of our youngsters. Advised her it appeared the extra civilized choice when weighed towards shrieking, “HOLY $%*^, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!,” motorboating by the remaining Nutella, and fascinating in loud, wicked acts with their father.

Exercise: Digging by freezer for seven minutes looking for one thing to eat apart from expired protein bars, canned inexperienced beans, and toaster waffles.

Seems lack of time was not the rationale we by no means baked previous recipes, assembled 1,000-piece puzzles, and binge-watched streaming content material. It’s as a result of all of these issues deeply suck.

Placing on pants is a precedence!

… Late Spring?

Discovered meager stash of previous Halloween sweet and hid it in my nightstand; don’t you dare inform my kids. Can’t ensure I’ve heard the bathe run all week, however the home is frickin’ immaculate.

Exercise? Chasing relations round home with spray bottle of bleach.

Have a look at Cosmo over there, completely satisfied as a virus on stainless-steel. Genuinely suspect world’s canine of masterminding this entire fiasco only for the additional consideration. Biscuit-groveling, yoga-ruining, plague-propagating mongrels.

Recognizing that no luxurious balm can expunge the grimace that concern, captivity, and an excessive amount of togetherness has affixed on my face, I’m saving the mud masks for when life resumes.

And it’ll.

However I feel I’m completed with bras.

Starshine is the writer of Lather, Rage, Repeat: Frank Speak on Evening Sweats, Day Consuming & Twitler.

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