It’s solely been a number of days for the reason that Duterte administration put all of us in the island of Luzon on lockdown on account of this pandemic, and but I already really feel my nervousness going via the roof. It’s not the “regular” type of nervousness that I’m used to: the speedy, sharp sensation which will persist all through the day however ultimately dies out. It’s the type of nervousness that slowly wraps you in its claws, the creeping sense of dread just like anticipating a soar scare on the finish of a film scene.
It’s a foreboding reminder that issues are simply going to worsen from right here, and even worse, that issues aren’t going to alter.
“Makati nako. Textual content ko na lang kayo kung kelan ako uuwi. Ingat kayo” (I’m in Makati Metropolis. I’ll textual content you once I’m going dwelling. Take care).
That was one of many final texts I despatched earlier than the primary COVID-induced lockdown befell Metro Manila; a reminder to my mother and father within the bordering province of Cavite that I intend to proceed my weekend visits dwelling in spite of everything that is over. I usually ship texts like these once I’m too lazy to depart my rented unit for the weekend, however this time it feels a bit of heavier. It nearly feels apocalyptic understanding that my household, who must be at the least two hours away, are immediately unimaginable to succeed in because of the authorities’s army limitations and the virus’s invisible ones. Although it’s only for a month, this lockdown made me notice what it actually means to be alone. (READ: PODCAST: Battling depression and anxiety)
Shortly after the implementation of group quarantine and the eight pm to five am curfew, public transport was banned. Now it’s actually trying like a foul begin to dystopia. I can’t take my nightly walks anymore, the eating places are closed, and the streets are empty. Persons are doing the stuff I’m used to doing on a Friday evening: shopping the net, studying, watching films, staring on the ceiling. I’ve even mastered the entire work-from-home factor as a result of I beforehand spent greater than a yr doing freelance work.
It feels surreal seeing everybody caught within the kind of struggles I realized to dwell with rising up: staying at dwelling, avoiding everybody, isolating. As somebody with each nervousness and introversion, I grew up being advised that I ought to put myself on the market and that I ought to socialize extra. Now, everyone seems to be doing what I’ve been doing all these years not out of consolation however for security. (READ: Dealing with depression and anxiety: My saving graces)
As an alternative of being comforted on the sight of my friends turning into like me, I really feel uneasy. Due to COVID-19, I’m reminded of how unnatural it’s that I’ve few buddies, that I favor staying dwelling to partying, that I don’t date, and that I are likely to wander away and isolate irrespective of who I’m with.
I’m reminded that with a purpose to survive in society’s rat race, a few of us need to exit and shield no matter’s left in us with what little we now have as a result of we’re not privileged sufficient to have issues handed to us.
As I write this, I get a textual content from my dad telling me to sleep in whole darkness to extend the melatonin in my physique. My dad’s a physician, so I’m used to getting unsolicited well being recommendation from him. I made a decision to maintain reminding myself to take dad’s recommendation despite the fact that my roommates and I all the time sleep with the lights off.
There’s darkness on the market within the streets too, however the lights by no means exit. – Rappler.com
Andrea Rivera is a author primarily based in Makati Metropolis. Her Twitter deal with is @andreyeaah.